Hey everyone, This is the first post under the title, Called to be a Ministry Wife. My goal for posts like this is to help future and current ministry wives build a network of nurture and support.
This post is from a friend, Danielle Smith, who is both in ministry and a ministry wife.
How long have you been a ministry wife? 6 years
Do you or have you served in any role in your husband’s church?
1st church I was the children’s minister; last church I was a CORE group leader, sang on praise team and taught 3yr old Sunday School; current church- I lead worship for Jr. High Worship on Sunday nights and Sr. High Worship on Wednesday nights
(In your opinion)
1. What are some things you wish you knew before entering your husband’s ministry?
Our case is a little different because I had been serving as a children’s minister at a church for two years when my husband came on staff at the same church as the youth pastor. I did learn that with both of us being on staff and at the time having no children that church can become your life if you allow it. We were usually at church every day of the week, and at every event possible we could be for students (ballgames, concerts, award ceremonies, etc.). We found out you can quickly be burned out on ministry if you allow it to consume your life. Although the things we were doing were good things, I think we may not always honored God with our time.
2. What are some specific ways to build knowledge/experience as a minister’s wife?
For me the best way has been building relationships with wives of husbands who have been in youth ministry for a while. I have learned a great deal from two friends who have been by their husbands’ side in ministry for many years.
3. What are some common challenges associated with being a minister’s wife?
For me, knowing when to say “no”. I have always been really involved with Brian in ministry since the very beginning, but now with two children there are some things I have had to step back from. I’m always there at church times and of course go to camp and retreats, but there have been some events that I just am not able to attend now with two small children. This has been hard for me, but I’ve realized its okay to say “no” and that my primary ministry is to my girls.
4. What was your biggest learning experience as a ministry wife?
I guess for me it has been recognizing my role as the youth minister’s wife is more about being a godly example rather than just trying to get kids like me. Once you show interest in their lives and show that you are consistent in your walk, it doesn’t matter how “cool” kids think you are. Teenagers just want to know that you genuinely love and care about them.
5. What advice would you give to a young married/engaged couple starting out in ministry? Guard your time with each other. Family must always come first! Ministry can easily take the place of family time if you allow it. I love that Brian really takes his day off seriously and does all he can to make sure that day is spent with me and the girls. Of course, there are unavoidable things that come up from time to time such as funerals and hospital visits, but overall help your husband to guard his time off!
6. What tools/websites do you follow/read?
Lifeway girls ministry has a great blog that always has great and practical ideas and I also follow them on twitter (@lifewaygirls); Also, cpyu.org always has great insight regarding pop culture and how to minister to this generation of teens
7. What are some key failures that you would pass along to the next wife?
Try not to take things too personally that may be said about your husband. Always be willing to go to bat for him and support him at all times, but know that there will always be those who have negative things to say. I think sometimes its been harder on me than my husband because I’ve viewed it more as a personal attack than a spiritual battle. One trait that you unfortunately have to develop in ministry is a tough skin and a willingness to rise above the negativity. Satan would love nothing more than to allow drama to distract you from doing what God has called you to do.
8. What traits must one possess in order to excel as a ministry wife?
I think probably the most important trait is a genuine love for students. They are very perceptive and can tell if you don’t want to be involved in the ministry. I think that youth ministry is definitely a calling not only for my husband, but for me as well.
9. What is the best thing a wife could do to support their husband’s ministry?
Let your husband know that you support and respect him. Be present and involved as much as possible. It’s important for the kids to know you too, especially the girls.
10. Do you see any current trends for couples in ministry?
Are they Positive/Negative? I don’t know if this should really be called a “trend” but there has definitely been a shift in the focus of youth ministry from being big event driven, to family focused. This means that the primary role of the youth pastor now is equipping parents to disciple their own children rather than viewing it as the role of the youth pastor. Although this is not a new command, it is difficult trying to train parents to do this when their parents likely did not disciple them. One of the greatest ways I think couples in ministry can help other families is by striving to set a godly example in their own home. This also means allowing students who may not have godly examples at home to see how you and your spouse try to live out your faith daily.
CONTACT:
1. Do You blog? If so, copy and paste the url below:
No…I probably should join the 21st century and start one.
2. What is the best way to contact you if someone has a specific question regarding being a wife in the ministry?
Email: daniellesmith1027@gmail.com
3. Are you on social media? If so, which ones?
Facebook
MISC:
1. What books are you currently reading/recommend?
I just finished seminary so I’m just now starting to think about reading books that I want to read! One I have started is Praying Big Prayers for Your Child by Will Davis, Jr. and one for pleasure just to de-stress for a while is Black by Ted Dekker. Another I would recommend is Created to Be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl
2. What was your latest itunes download?
I have no idea…its been a while since I’ve added anything new. I’ve had intentions to download Mercy Me’s new album as well and No Other Name’s new album, but I guess good intentions don’t count.
3. What is your husband’s (church) latest project/event that people should know about?
We’re working to kick-off a lot of community mission projects. One is coming this summer and its going to be a “Hotdog Tour” where we just show up at parks, ballgames, etc. to give away free hotdogs.
